I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
