cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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