Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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