if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
