My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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