I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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