he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
