...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I skipped work to stalk him.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
