Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
