hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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