I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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