Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
