You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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