Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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