that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
