Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He did a backflip because drugs
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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