By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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