the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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