She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
