Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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