Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
