Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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