Me. At least after what I've been through.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
