So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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