I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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