I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
