does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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