I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
there's paper in my vomit.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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