i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You don't make any sense
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