so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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