i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
