I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She announced her abortion via fbk
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
