I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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