all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
