Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
