i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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