we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
