Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
