My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
