if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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