Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My pussy is not your playground.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize