Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
