I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
