you mean i was at the winter classic?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
