I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
