just tell him i said nine months
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
