I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
