just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
