and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
