we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
