if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
