We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
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We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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