Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
