Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
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Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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