you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
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He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
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I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize