Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Who died my cat blue again?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize