When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit