Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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