I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
