is your mom at the bar?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
