You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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