then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Randomize
