how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
