real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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