Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
